“The special military operation will one day come to a close. The leaders will find common ground. But… no one can bring my husband back,” share Russian military widows from various regions in their Instagram posts.
Often, their videos feature images of their deceased husbands paired with a track by singer Machete: “I’m crying, your mascara runs.”
Among those posting such videos is Natalia from Belgorod, a western Russian region adjacent to Ukraine. Her husband, Andrei Knyazev, entered a 13-year contract with the Defense Ministry back in 2017.
Following the large-scale invasion of Ukraine, Natalia began a series on her Instagram called “Letter to My Husband,” where she communicated with Andrei while he was stationed at the front.
“I know this will all come to an end soon, and you’ll return home. I’m waiting,” she expressed.
On October 13, 2022, Natalia received the devastating news that Andrei had died in combat.
“I can recall that day as if it were just yesterday,” she shared on Instagram, which is prohibited in Russia.
Currently, Natalia has gained 7,000 followers on the platform and identifies herself as “a widow learning to rebuild my life.” In her most viewed video, which has drawn nearly a million views, she shares glimpses of her sorrow and methods of coping, featuring scenes in a church, her home, and a swimming pool.
“I’ve spent two and a half years wishing this was merely a horrific nightmare, hoping my beloved husband would smile at me and our children, not just from a picture on a gravestone,” Natalia notes in a post aimed at women thinking of marrying Russian soldiers.
In response to her posts, some viewers label Natalia as the spouse of a hero, while others question why her husband went to war against Ukraine.
As social media continues to permeate daily life, individuals increasingly use it as a means to process their grief, according to psychologist Galina Petrakova in an interview with The Moscow Times.
“Social media, as a relatively recent phenomenon in our lives, is becoming integral to the mourning process,” she remarked. “It provides the mind with an additional way to reflect and manage loss, as well as a channel for seeking support, particularly from those who’ve had similar encounters.”
Petrakova highlighted that the psychological effects of social media on grief can be intricate and challenging to quantify.
However, she noted, “Posting allows widows to voice their anguish and perceive that their pain, along with their loss, is acknowledged.”
“Perhaps the topic of my husband’s funeral doesn’t belong on Instagram,” Maria reflected in a recent post. “But I’m trying to find methods to survive in this world, and maybe sharing helps.”
Maria laid her husband to rest this past March. She learned of his passing on the day their son turned four and later recorded a video contemplating that moment. Now at 28, she is raising two sons alone, with the younger one still less than a year old.
Before her husband’s death, Maria wrote about motherhood, cosmetics, and handmade toys on her blog. Now, in her videos, she speaks to her infant son: “This child will never experience a father’s love and care. It’s not fair!”
Former spouses of mobilized soldiers are also sharing accounts of their husbands’ deaths on their blogs.
Bronislava, a widow at 29 from Krasnoyarsk in Siberia, recounted, “On October 8, my husband left after receiving his draft notice. I didn’t want him to go — there were tears and arguments — but there was no alternative.”
In the comments, a follower responded, “I’m truly sorry for your loss. It’s incredibly hard to endure something like this. But what stings even more is knowing they weren’t sent to defend their homeland, but to assault their neighbors.”
Almost a year after her husband’s burial, Bronislava cast her wedding ring into the sea, hoping to sever the “bond that once was.”
“At every stage of grief, individuals seek avenues to process the overwhelming emotions they are experiencing,” said psychologist Petrakova. “The capacity to share that journey with others is essential in coping with loss, as evidenced by the numerous rituals various cultures provide for those mourning a loved one.”
Like many other war widows, Bronislava shares videos set to the theme song of “Landyshi,” a Russian TV series that glorifies military service and the war in Ukraine.
“I miss you, and it feels like forever,” the lyrics express, accompanied by a montage of her late husband’s photos.
“We envisioned a different conclusion to our narrative. In none of those endings do I bring flowers to your gravesite,” writes another widow, Natasha, on Instagram. She buried her husband six months ago.
In response, other women share their own sorrows.
“The ‘special military operation’… the mobilization… How many of us are there, mourning the fallen?” one of Natasha’s followers questions rhetorically.
According to Petrakova, the death of a cherished individual can sometimes reshape military widows’ perspectives and values, though this isn’t always the case.
“At some point, a person learns to navigate life once more without their loved one and begins to explore different ways to engage with that new reality,” she explains. “They may reinterpret the events in various contexts and leverage their experiences of loss to reinforce their values through positive actions.”
“In the case of military widows, this could translate into a more active civic involvement, often showcased on social media, shaped by their personal journey of grief and reflection,” Petrakova elaborated.
